i think it's about time i started this shit back up, i aint been around for a long time and i think with my return should come the jokes:

1st joke: monga (joke in itself)

now down to the real shit, i'll do 1 per day depending on the reactions, I don't give a fuck where you're from r what religion, if you don't like it, then don't read it.

2 irishmen are making letter bombs, Pat says 'do you think i've put too much explosives in this envelope?' 'dunno' says mick, 'open it and see' ' but it will explode!' says Pat. Mick says 'don't be fcuking stupid, it's not addressed to you!'

Forum-Nazi'd to the fucking joke board.




Shayne

Wife comes home early and catches her husband having a wank in the kitchen. she rushes over and gives him the blow job of his life.

After it he asks 'we haven't had sex for 6 months and suddenly this! Why?'

she answers.. 'i just washed the floor this mornin. I'd rather brush my teeth than clean the fucking floor again'.

A bloke and his missus were sitting watching a TV program about psychology that was explaining the phenomenon of mixed emotions. The bloke turned to his wife and said, "That's a load of crap".

"I bet you cant tell me anything that will make me both happy and sad at the same time".

She thought about it for a bit and replied, "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick!".




Shayne

LMFAO fkn rolled!

I saw this guy in an Italian restaurant ordering pizza in fluent Italian. The waiter seemed to appreciate his willingness to accept their culture.

So, I tried the same thing in our local Chinese restaurant.

I squinted my eyes and shouted, "Harro! Spesha frah raice prease!" But instead of showing appreciation, they took the upturned prawn-cracker basket from my head and told me to get out.

Harro! Chynee Wahhk! Tayk awda pree!




Shayne

hahaha wicked

Irishman weighs 20 stone, so his doctor puts him on a diet. 'i want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day and repeat this for 2 weeks, you should loose 5lbs. 'when paddy returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost 4 stone. 'that's amazing the doc said'...

Paddy nodded 'I'll tell you be Jesus, i taut i was gonna drop dead by da 3rd day.'
' what from the hunger?' said the doc.
'no, from all the fuckin skippin!'

I went to a restaurant for dinner last night. It was a nice meal and so i decided to order a dessert.

So I asked the waiter how much the pie was.

"£3.14 sir," he replied.

"That's funny," I chuckled.

"What's that sir?" He asked.

"That Down's syndrome boy just tried to hug a heater and burnt himself."

We both had a good laugh.

All I'm saying is that if it takes 368 American lives to kill one paki on a plane, that's a price I'm willing to pay.

woman sees a sign in a pet shop window -FANNY LICKING FROGS £25

in she goes. 'id like to see the fanny licking frog'. the bloke behind the counter says BONJOUR

Dad cooks deer and doesn't tell the kids what it is. He only gives them one clue "it's what your mother calls me". the boy yells "don;t fucking eat it, it's a knob"